mutterings of a cynic

meaningless

2007-07-27T18:55:00.000+02:00

While watching the news today I heard someone say, and I quote:

I was amazed last week when I saw it again for the first time

What the hell? Where do these people learn to talk? The Fisher-Price school for the linguistically challenged?

too long

2007-06-27T09:28:00.000+02:00

Sometimes I do, say or think something that makes me realise I've been in Switzerland too long. Today I went one step further and actually wrote this sentence in an email.

Since it's an interface I'm not technically overriding anything, so the @Override annotation wouldn't if I added it compile.

Thankfully I caught it before sending the email out, but this really does go to show that perhaps I really have been here too long.

gratitude

2007-06-26T19:17:00.000+02:00

Receiving praise is a very important aspect of social interactions. At work in particular, praise (when warranted) is extremely important. When you write some code that for one reason or another is impressive, it feels good when someone says "ooh, that's quite nice that is". That praise alone can be enough to sustain a person even if other aspects of their environment are less appealing for whatever reason.

A while ago I wrote a threading api which is quite large and (if I say so myself) quite useful. A few people have said nice things about it and that made me feel good. Today however I got a rather unusual, but rather fulfilling comment about it. I was actually outright thanked for having written it. That felt great.

rounding errors in swing

2007-06-24T10:28:00.000+02:00

I quite enjoyed blogging about layout managers the other day so I thought I'd follow up with another easy mistake to make in swing - positioning your components incorrectly due to rounding errors.

I recently wanted the equivalent of a GridLayout, but I wanted to be able to set the ratios of the grid sizes myself rather than have them all equal.

The required result is pictured below using the LayoutManager configured to lay the components out vertically using the ratios specified in their names.

As you can see here, the buttons are laid out such that all the available space (within the red border) is completely used up.

Naively, you would think that the code to produce that result looks like this (stripped down for easier reading):

float[] ratios = ...;
Component[] cc = parent.getComponents();

int x = insets.left;
int y = insets.top;
int tw = [avail width minus insets]
int th = [avail height minus insets]

for (int i = 0; i < cc.length; i++) {
  cc[i].setLocation(x, y);
  int h = (int) (th * ratios[i]);
  cc[i].setSize(tw, h);
  y += h;
}

However if you do that, the result looks like this:

Note that the bottom button is a good 3 pixels away from the border. Problem here is that we have a cumulative rounding error. Don't think that the solution is to round the calculation of each unit height either, if you do that, you'll end up using more vertical space than available.

So the solution is to not store the individual ratios at all, but rather store the cumulative ratios in an array that is 1 longer than the component array. For instance, rather than have an array like this [0.25, 0.5, 0.25] to lay out 3 components, use an array like this [0, 0.25, 0.75, 1] (make sure you manually clamp the last value to 1 to avoid another possible rounding error).

Here's some code:

float[] cumulativeRatios = ...;
int[] ys = new int[cumulativeRatios.length];

int tw = [avail width minus insets]
int th = [avail height minus insets]

for (int i = 0; i < cumulativeRatios.length; i++) {
  ys[i] = Math.round(th * cumulativeRatios[i]);
}

Component[] cc = parent.getComponents();
for (int i = 0; i < cc.length; i++) {
  cc[i].setLocation(insets.left, insets.top + ys[i]);
  cc[i].setSize(tw, ys[i + 1] - ys[i]);
}

Now you've spread the rounding errors over the available space in the parent and your components are laid out edge to edge - much nicer!

Incidentally, GridLayout doesn't use this mechanism of avoiding rounding errors. Here's a picture of the same test code using GridLayout with 5 rows and 1 column. This isn't necessarily wrong, it just might not be ideal in all circumstances.

I won't post the full code to the layout manager (unless someone asks for it), but rather leave it as an exercise for the reader.

As before, questions, comments and critique welcome.

something new

2007-06-23T19:06:00.001+02:00

I love learning new things. Recently I updated firefox on my various machines and it comes with a built in spell checker which I actually find very useful (since my speling is terrible). So, today I wrote an email and used the word schlep and it didn't give it a squiggly underline that would indicate a misspelt word. I found that amusing because my instant reaction was that they don't use a real dictionary, but rather a combination of real words and commonly used slang. I was however a little curious so I checked on dictionary.com and to my surprise, the word actually exists.

schlep /ʃlɛp/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[shlep] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation verb, schlepped, schlep·ping, noun Slang.
–verb (used with object)
1. to carry; lug: to schlep an umbrella on a sunny day.
–verb (used without object)
2. to move slowly, awkwardly, or tediously: We schlepped from store to store all day.
–noun
3. Also, schlepper. someone or something that is tedious, slow, or awkward; drag.
Also, schlepp, shlep, shlepp.

know your layout manager

2007-06-22T15:49:00.001+02:00

I often notice that people get really confused with the way java lays out components. Experience also shows that people struggle with what the sizing methods on JComponents really do. More than once I've seen code that does this kind of thing:

JComponent c = ...;
Dimension d = new Dimension(...);
c.setMinimumSize(d);
c.setMaximumSize(d);
c.setPreferredSize(d);
c.setSize(d);

Clearly that's insane, so I thought I might try to make people aware of a few little tricks to help size your components perfectly.

Here's a couple of points to remember:

The preferred size of a JComponent always tells you how big it wants to be. Mostly that size is sensible and it should be used.
If you set a preferred size of a component it is permanently altered. Stop and think before you do this. If you alter the preferred size of a combo box that has an item "Cat" (because you think it was too tall) like this:

Dimension d = combo.getPreferredSize();
d.height = 6;
combo.setPreferredSize(d);

Then when someone adds an element "Catamaran" you'll find your preferred width is now too small.
Know your layout manager! A LayoutManager will size a component in whichever way it feels is correct. If a LayoutManager ignores minimum size then don't get angry with your custom component because you set a minimum size and it's being ignored.
Don't be afraid to nest panels. Using layout gaps, borders and glue can get you quite far but for even the most basic setup of components nesting panels with individual layouts will take you to the finish line.

Here's a simple example illustrating a couple of those points.

JPanel p = new JPanel(new BorderLayout());
JScrollPane scroller = new JScrollPane(VERTICAL_SCROLLBAR_NEVER, HORIZONTAL_SCROLLBAR_ALWAYS);
scroller.setBorder(null);
scroller.setViewportView(new JTextArea("My little scrolling thing "));
p.add(scroller);

This is a panel containing a scrollpane (without its border cause it mucks up my example later on). If I want to add a widget of some sort next to the scrollbar then it'll adversely effect my size.

This was done by moving the scroll bar from out of its JScrollPane and into a custom panel next to another component.

JPanel scrollBarPanel = new JPanel(new BorderLayout());
JComboBox combo = new JComboBox(new String[] { "Some options" });
scrollBarPanel.add(combo, BorderLayout.WEST);
scrollBarPanel.add(scroller.getHorizontalScrollBar(), BorderLayout.CENTER);
p.add(scrollBarPanel, BorderLayout.SOUTH);

Notice in the code that I'm adding the combo to the west side of a border layout. This means that I know that the combo will always get its preferred size and therefore look correct. The scroll bar on the other hand ends up in the center of the BorderLayout which means it gets all of the rest of the space.

Problem here is that the combo's preferred size is taller than the scroll bars and that makes the scroll bar look ugly!

Since I want to retain the correct width, my solution is mostly correct, but I just want to adjust the height of the combo, but retain its relative calculation of its preferred size (which means I don't want to just set its preferred size).

The solution I'm getting at here is that you should know your layout manager and not bother tweaking your components. The BorderLayout will have its minimum height set to the largest preferred height. That means that all we need to do it ensure that the largest preferred height in the panel is the scroll bar and not the combo.

The result, pictured above, was produced by embedding the combo into a panel with its preferred size calculation always clamping the height to 0. By that I mean literally creating a class called ZeroHeightPanel that extends JPanel and override a single method as follows:

@Override
public Dimension getPreferredSize() {
final Dimension d = super.getPreferredSize();
d.height = 0;
return d;
}

This will now let your layout manager get preferred sizes of all the components it's laying out without having had to alter any settings on any of the components and without having to override any methods on the components. (Obviously the behaviour of the panel is altered, but my point is that if you get your JComponent from elsewhere in the API you won't be able to override it, but rather only embed it into something that you have control over.) Note that we are now laying out components following the composition over inheritance described in Item 14 of Josh Bloch's Effective Java. I believe that the rule can easily be applied to how UIs are laid out since we can easily compose a panel with altered sizing behaviour.

I'm not saying that this is how you should handle all of your sizing issues, but I just want to point out that there are other solutions that aren't necessarily obvious. If you know your layout managers and know what rules they apply to laying components out then you should be able to produce your desired behaviour without giving yourself a headache.

As a last point, if a layout manager doesn't do what you want it to do, don't be afraid of writing one. They are easy to write, but make sure that you document what rules it's using to size its component(s).

Questions and critique are welcome.

interface on the fly

2007-06-14T17:36:00.000+02:00

On rahel's suggestion I thought I should post something really useful that you can do with generics. In java you can map most things by just adding another interface but sometimes you really don't want to define a crappy interface like:

interface DisposableComponent {
  void dispose();
  Component getComponent();
}

So here's something that not everyone knows about generics:

interface Flappable {
  void flap();
}

interface Flippable {
  void flip();
}

class FlipFlapper {
  <T extends Flappable & Flippable> void flipAndFlap(T ff) {
    ff.flip();
    ff.flap();
  }
}

swiss courtesy

2007-05-15T19:55:00.000+02:00

In general I don't find the swiss the friendliest bunch. Not withstanding, there are plenty of friendly swiss people out there - I mean no offense by this statement, it's merely an observation.

There are some things however that I really like about their little courtesies. People greet each other at the doctor's surgery for instance. I like that. With the english being so reserved, it just wouldn't happen there.

By far the thing I like the most however, is the fact that there's more than one way to both greet and say goodbye to a group of people; furthermore, it's not unusual to do so. I just went to the corner shop to buy some beer and there was a young woman in the small shop with me. After my sale was finished it was perfectly natural to say goodbye collectively to both the shop assistant and the shopper.

When I leave switzerland it'll be the little things I miss.

eurovision

2007-05-12T22:59:00.000+02:00

I voted.

I've never voted for anything on television before, but voting for UKs awesome entry in eurovision this year was well worth my 70rp. Since bbc prime have decided that eurovision doesn't fit their demographic, it took quite some effort to both watch the contest while listening to terry (a eurovision staple).

Fortunately however the time delay created by watching swiss tv and listening to internet radio meant we could appreciate both the swiss commentators cynical and terry's sardonic comments.

It's waiting time now - the half time show is on. Britain are predicted to come 24th - that's flat last. Well at least they did better than DJ Bobo.

how do they do it?

2007-05-10T09:09:00.000+02:00

On the bus this morning I was thinking about deaf children and how they grow up. If a child is profoundly deaf, how do they learn to read? How do they mentally pronounce the words that they come to understand?

A quick google when I arrived at work has taught me that hearing aid and ~~cockler~~ cochlear implant technology is much better than I gave it credit for, and according to this, deaf children should be taught to understand and speak before learning things like written word, lip reading or sign language.

This quick lesson has made me happier in the knowledge that your child being born deaf isn't as tragic as it first may seem.

cultural laws

2007-05-05T15:35:00.000+02:00

In england you're not allowed to talk to people you don't know, even if they have a t-shirt on it that says "please talk to me". There needs to be some sort of unspoken request allow before any audible communication is permitted.

For instance, if you're wearing a cap that has the logo of a sports team on it, someone may want to tell you that they support the team too, so they might subtly nod. Your responses can be one of many:

A nod combined with a half smirk, half smile smile combined with a short exhalation through the nose means "I see you support the team. While I appreciate that, I don't support them, I just like the cap. Don't talk to me"
A nod and smile means "I support them too, but don't talk to me"
A nod, grunt and smile means "I support them too. If you want to talk, you're now welcome" (The grunt simply initialises audible communication).

This incredibly english subtlety combined with understated gestures defines the culture, but is wholly and sorely misunderstood, nay, unnoticed, by others. Wearing a sports cap in the states, for instance, is a license to have people talk crap to at you.

When I move there I'm going to have to be forgiving. Bless their souls, they just don't get it.

coincidence

2007-05-03T10:24:00.000+02:00

Having found out that apple have promised to support the final 802.11n spec with their current n devices, I was just looking to see if the mac minis support the n protocol.

I was disappointed to find out that they do not, however I did like the number of search results.

shhhhhhhhh

2007-05-02T10:43:00.000+02:00

So I finally bought some noise cancelling headphones and decided to write a non-audiophile's review of them.

The first time I put them on I was really impressed. I was standing in a quiet apartment and only having put them did I notice that there used to be a sound of the air-conditioning and faint background road noise. The nullification of the sound was quite amazing.

I had heard that the bose quiet comfort headphones were substantially better than other companies' offerings, so while I was in the states I put it to the test. I went into a sony store in boston and tried out their headphones and I also tried out all of the headphones on sale at logan airport. I had heard from a friend of a friend that the best way to save $100 on noise cancelling headphones was to just buy the bose ones first. Having tried at least 5 others I have to agree. The bose phones may well be costly, but if you want it to work, then why bother spending half the amount on something substandard?

So, back to the sound itself. The way the noise cancelling works seems to be quite interesting. Having played around with them a while I have come to the conclusion that they only attempt to cancel repetitive noise. This means that you can have a conversation with someone standing next to you without having to take them off. That itself leads to an interesting effect on a plane; because the noise cancellation is so good, you normalise the volume of your own voice according to the volume of the person you're talking to minus the background noise which means that when you speak they can't hear you because you're talking too quietly.

The best effect from the headphones is when the repetitive background noise itself is loud, so on an airplane the effect is unmatched. I was watching a video with my wife on her ipod on the plane using an audio splitter. She was using in-ear buds while I was using the headphones. I barely needed any volume at all to be able to clearly hear the audio. We switched for a while and it was apparent that the clarity of the headphones was great. Using the earbuds you heard less, less clearly with more background noise and they were less comfortable.

Comfort brings me to another point. They are called quitecomfort for a reason. I wore them for 7 hours without discomfort. They also excel on their packaging. They come in a light but solid case that's moulded for the headphoens and all their accessories, including battery charger, cables and aircraft adapter. Additionally, the moulded portion of the case set aside for the included accessories is only attached with velcro which means it can be removed if you want to make room for your mp3 player. It's nicely styled and it's obvious that they really thought about the packaging.

So, are they worth their price tag? They cost $350 so they have a lot to make up for. Earlier I mentioned that they cancel repetitive background noise extremely well - this is very very true. To get the greatest effect just wear them for 5 minutes then take them off and you're aware of sounds that you didn't know were there. The fact that you didn't know that they were there is my point here. If you didn't know they were there, why did you need it cancelling? The brain already does an awesome job of sound normalisation and cancellation by itself... I'm in 2 minds about whether they justify their price tag. For someone like me, they definitely don't, although at the same I don't feel like I wasted my money. If you struggle with noise on a plane, you can't go wrong, if you don't then it's an expensive toy. Justify it whichever way you choose.

The best way to get the effect without shelling out 350 bucks (unless you break them) is to just borrow mine. I'd be more than happy to lend them to you.

ignorant and insular

2007-04-19T09:35:00.000+02:00

I'm booking a car for next week when I'm in the US. While filling out the form they tell me that it's crucial for me to give them a phone number and there's an option to enter a US phone number or a european one. I clicked on european, only to be presented with this:

Poor old switzerland, but I'm really glad that they included mexico and canada.

the plunge

2007-04-12T08:27:00.000+02:00

So I've finally taken the plunge, albeit by proxy; there is now a mac in the house. I was quite intrigued about the setup process on the mac since I've never used, let alone set one up before, so we sat down together for the grand opening.

Just as we turned on the mac and clicked the first setup option I got a call for PC help from my brother with in law who recently bought a new laptop running XP. Thankfully windows has really nice remote assistance options which allowed me to take control and sort the problem out. The problem was that when you get a new machine running windows it never just has windows on it. It has windows plus some custom sound management drivers, plus custom sound software, plus custom cd burning software, not forgetting the custom wireless, network and bluetooth configuration applications, also with the sponsored chat client installed, with the appropriate ads and of course the 5 different links to trouble shooting and help documents and also including custom drivers for the mouse, trackpad or touchpad, plus some floaty desktop widget to control some of the custom stuff, plus a custom firewall, plus some spyware and adware controls, plus the laptop maintenance utilities, display configuration utils and finally of course a custom power management interface. The problem with all of that is that absolutely none of it is needed, because they all come with windows. (Additionally, in the case of my brother in law's laptop, there was so much crap on there that the apps actually conflicted with each other). In fact, not only do they come with windows, but the guys at microsoft spent much more time thinking about how it should look and work, the guys that wrote the software were better and they all got paid more for it. So why oh why do I need to spend hours of my time removing a load of crap from a computer that never needed to be there in the first place, then patching up the holes? Because microsoft don't sell the hardware.

By the time I had finished with my ~~mass uninstalling session~~ support request to make the brand new laptop bearable, not only had my absolutely non-tech savvy wife who had never used a mac before finished the mac setup and created her user account, she had also connected to the wireless network, transferred her contacts from her phone to her mac address book with bluetooth, synched iCal with her google calendar, setup up her desktop preferences (screensaver, dock prefs, region stuff etc) and she also had enough time to spare to take a few snaps with the built in camera and play with all of the apps that came with the machine while all the time squealing with pleasure at the nice little features that she experimented with and they just worked. Yesterday was a good day for the mac and a bad one for the pc.

Mac vs PC, 1:0

retro art

2007-04-11T10:28:00.000+02:00

This is really pretty cool - donkey kong mural made out of post-it notes.

The UCSC engineering faculty had ten people and 14,000 post-it notes lying around, with five hours to kill. What did they do? What ANYONE would/should have in the same situation: they made an enormous Donkey Kong mural that must be pushing 40-feet tall.

comparative perceptions

2007-04-02T16:03:00.000+02:00

As you will soon be aware (assuming you read the next post) or are already aware (if you've already read it, though I find that unlikely) I have a new phone.

What I hadn't previously mentioned is that my wife decided to get a new phone on the same day. She is much less stalwart than I am about her choice in phones so has a greater choice at her disposal. She settled on the KRZR K1. Although I would never have chosen it for myself, I quite like it. It's small, but heavy which makes it feel metallic and solid, rather than overweight and cumbersome.

When I was looking at it on the table next to my old 6310i I realised that in actual fact, aside from being narrower, it is the same height and (surprisingly) the same thickness. The thing was though, it looked quite a lot smaller. This got me onto how we look at devices and how we determine whether we think they are large or small.

Courtesy of sizeasy, the above image shows the top down view of the comparative sizes of the 3 phones. Since within 0.5mm they are the same height, I chose this as the most representative view.

I came to the conclusion that expectations entirely define perception of size. I don't expect phones to be thin, so my phone, although it's the widest by far, to me seems small. Dimensionally the nokia is indeed closest to a standard house brick which has the relative dimensions 100 x 45.3 x 28.1. The KRZR to me seems narrow but thick. Since it is only a whisker narrower than the nokia I presume this perception comes from the fact that it's thinner, but at the same time my perception of it being thick comes from the fact that I see it as a small phone, but it's thicker than a phone that I consider to be small-ish.

I think I've failed miserable in translating my thoughts into my blog, so I'm going to quit before I can get any further behind.

here comes a new challenger!

2007-04-02T10:28:00.000+02:00

Is there any hope for me? LG and Motorola would have to improve their software dramatically, ericsson would need to make slight design improvements and slight software improvements and nokia need to either use the right software on the nice phones or improve their designs. In short, no - there is no hope.

It turns out that I was wrong. There is hope, and it comes from a mobile phone manufacturer that I had completely forgotten about - Samsung.

I went into the shop on Friday to whinge a little more about the lack of phones that interest me and noticed a slim black samsung on the rack. I asked the guy behind the counter if I could play with a real one. I played with it for about 15 minutes and I found it ok. It was presented well and didn't have some of the major deficiencies that I found with other software. Also style wise the phone is pretty, it's slim, has a nice screen and is quad band.

After getting home I checked out some reviews and they were positive. I went into another store to get a better price and was warned that it's no ericsson or nokia with its battery life which I found frustrating, but not too off putting. So long story short, I decided to buy it and see.

Having played with it for 3 days now I have some opinions. Although I could now go on for hours about all the things I dislike about it, I have to attribute that to my nature. The truth is that deep down I do like it even though there are some things that I need to get used to.

irony

2007-03-28T18:07:00.000+02:00

My passport is damaged so I sent an application for a new one along with the passport itself to the embassy last week. Today I got a letter from the embassy saying telling me that they cannot accept my passport as proof of id because it's damaged..

foley

2007-03-28T16:25:00.000+02:00

I was just made aware of a rather amusing video clip (found here) of smashing vegetables to simulate the sounds of video game orientated decapitations, amputations and various other forms of visceral mutilations.

It's interesting in a gross kinda way.

From kotaku

oh nokia..

2007-03-26T10:09:00.000+02:00

.. why do you forsake me so!

I've always had nokia phones and always liked them functionally. It would be unfair to say that nokia didn't used to have stylish phones though. My first phone was the banana phone they used in the first Matrix (you know, the good one of the "trilogy").

I also owned the rather diminutive
8250 which really was not just the most stylish, but also the smallest phone at the time.

Sadly now, if you want a decent looking nokia phone, what do you buy? They're all ugly bricks. I currently own the 6230i which I bought to replace my 6610 (which was the last nokia phone I liked).

At this point I need to reiterate though - the functionality I really love. The software updates have become better and better in small but significant ways since my first nokia. In 1 touch I can make a call, write a message, use my calculator, use my calendar, open the camera mode (but not directly take the picture which is a good thing), browse my contacts. In 2 touches I can set a countdown timer, set my alarm clock, switch modes, convert currency. All of those functions I just mentioned I really do use all of the time - yes, even the camera for shots like this. It's fast, the text is easy to read, it ticks the connectivity boxes (bluetooth, ir, triband etc), it doesn't have stupid options in stupid places (for instance the ericsson C button on a contact is a shortcut for delete - really, how often do you want to delete a contact versus cancel out of the address book?), it contains all the functions I use and none of the one I don't... but... it's a fat ugly brick.

However there is hope! Recently they released the E50, which for the puritans out there even optionally comes without a camera. It's slightly taller than most phones (dare I say more phone shaped?) but it's thin (well, for a nokia), it has a very hi-res decent sized screen. Style wise I really love it - I want a phone that looks like a phone that has the great nokia functionality I have come to know and love. I played around with this phone in the shop on Saturday. It's awful. I could have cried.

It's a nokia phone sure, but it's got some crappy symbian bullshit software on it. I don't want to carry a frigging personal management system in my pocket, I just want a phone with simple software widgets! It's everything I love and hate all rolled into one. Why can't phones be more like computers - you buy them and then install your preferred OS?

Since I need a new phone (I don't treat them particularly well) I'm actually going to have to buy the successor to my current brick, the even more brick-like 6233. It's exactly like my previous nokia purchase - slightly fatter, no better.

Is there any hope for me? Well lets see - LG and Motorola would have to improve their software dramatically, ericsson would need to make slight design improvements and slight software improvements and nokia need to either use the right software on the nice phones or improve their designs and stop trying to be so friggin radical with their bulky "style" oriented phone. In short, no - there is no hope.

immigration laws

2007-03-19T09:44:00.000+01:00

I've been filling in the application for for a US visa recently and while doing so I came across an interesting point. In the rules and regulations it states that I am not allowed a marital visa unless my marriage has been consummated.

I hope they don't ask me to prove it..

google suck

2007-03-04T22:43:00.000+01:00

I've just been forced to upgrade my blog to the latest version of blogger. What was wrong with the old one you ask? Nothing. What is right with the new one? Nothing. What is wrong with the new one? My template is screwed.

All thanks to the bleeding edge of technology.

Cheers google. Muppets.

variation on a classic

2007-03-04T22:40:00.000+01:00

If you've seen the original then this is even more impressive.

bugs suck

2007-02-26T20:34:00.000+01:00

I've been playing and enjoying geometry wars recently, but there's one thing that's happened twice now that is really getting on my nerves.

There's a leaderboard in the game which is really cool since you can track how well you're doing compared to your friends. There's also an achievements system whereby you earn points if you accomplish certain feats during the game.

As you can see from this screenshot I'm proudly leading my friends with a score of more than 1.7 million. However as you see in the the following shot, my actual highscore is higher than that...

The problem comes in the way the game uploads your highscore to the leaderboard. If you unlock an achievement it tells you at the end of the game. This feature is built into the console, so the game just makes some API call to tell the system which feats have been accomplished. The console then tells you that can click a magic console button to see what achievement it was. At this point if you don't click the console button and your score is your personal best, it uploads it. However if you are curious to see what you've accomplished and click the magic button then your score never gets published. Grr..

fowl behaviour

2007-02-23T09:19:00.000+01:00

I went to a university that was built around a lake - or rather they built a lake and decided at the same time to build a university. Anyway, the point is that at this university you got to learn about the behaviour of ducks and geese. Not as part of the course of course (aside from perhaps the environmental or biological ones), but you picked up their behavioural habits from being surrounded by them for a few years.

Today while walking to the bus stop the streets were quite quiet and I was approaching a woman from behind. She was walking quickly, but not quite as fast as I was. What I noticed then I found interesting. He reaction to being approached from behind was identical to that of a goose.

She proudly didn't alter her pace, or look behind - essentially trying to appear unperturbed; so far so good. She also however tensed, straightened her back and started making subtle side glances to catch sight of me in her peripheral vision. Not unusual behaviour at all, but very much like that of a goose.

Anyway, I was only walking up behind her because I couldn't cross the road at that point and I immediately crossed after realising I had made her uncomfortable. Poor swiss goose woman.

you don't hear this everyday

2007-02-21T08:00:00.000+01:00

I accidentally posted our marriage certificate to Zambia.

Slightly less traditional a wake up call than an alarm clock huh?

lost in translation

2007-02-15T08:34:00.000+01:00

I bought a film recently using the reward scheme I use at the supermarket. All in all the DVD cost me somewhere in the region of 3000CHF, £1200 or $2500 or whatever your local currency is. Seem expensive? Well that's just how great swiss rewards schemes are.

Upon loading the DVD I was presented with no less than 4 pages of languages to choose from, so at least I got my money's worth... of something...

Amusingly however, when you look at the language options in the DVD menu, the list is somewhat different.

courtesy

2007-02-13T09:18:00.000+01:00

This morning while stepping off the tram and thanking the driver a realisation struck me. In Switzerland people don't thank the driver. In England whenever anyone gets off the bus, they thank the driver. Even if the bus is crowded and 30 people get off at the main stop they will each thank the driver. Even if they are in the middle of a deep conversation with a friend they will both spare half a second for a "cheers mate" or somesuch.

It's not unusual for English culture to exhibit this sort of behaviour though. By thanking the driver you're making the point that the driver is doing you a favour by giving you a lift and not that he's your paid servant. In a similar fashion you would never tip the barman (which implies that he's below you) but you would offer to buy him a drink - "and one for yourself". The implies that he's on your level and joining in your social activity, even though he's clearly not.

The bus thing is interesting though - on reflection the English have a lot less to be thankful for.

sdrawkcab

2007-02-02T23:44:00.000+01:00

While eating at a restaurant this evening a friend and I were having a silly conversation during which we discovered that the common expletive "fuck off" read backwards is "ffo kcuf" which, loosely speaking, sounds like the same phrase.

This was greatly amusing and we have taken it upon ourselves to spread the word, since if this fact isn't already well known, it should be.

unusual complaint

2007-01-23T17:50:00.000+01:00

When I arrived to the bus stop this evening, there was a group of 4 teenage girls waiting for the bus and complaining about the cold. It was indeed a little cooler today than it has been in a while, so I can understand their complaints even though I didn't particularly approve of their rather ineloquent way of putting it (further proof that I'm aging).

The bus arrived shortly after and we boarded. They continued to talk amongst themselves until we arrived at the next stop - a good 500 yards away. They then alighted and went on their way.

Why, I ask myself, should someone complain about waiting for a bus for as long as it would have taken them to just walk to the next stop? If they had walked, perhaps they also would have warmed up a little.

adsense

2007-01-23T13:20:00.000+01:00

Here's a thought: If you have a google-ads enabled website designed to mock another, you'll probably find that you are advertising your victim.

priority

2007-01-17T22:37:00.000+01:00

Those of you that have travelled on the european cheapo airline easyjet will be well aware that they operate a strict priority boarding system. At least that's what they tell you.

This evening I flew with easyjet from Munich to Basel and I was in boarding group B yet I was the 12th person on the fully booked plane. Incidentally, B meant not that I was in the 2nd boarding group, but the 4th. First are the people that pay extra to board early, second are parents with small children (a rule that seems to be open to interpretation given the teenagers that board with their parents under this scheme), third are A, and fourth B etc.

So how come I was 12th on the plane? On this particular journey the boarding did indeed proceed by priority, except we weren't boarding the plane. We boarded a bus that took us to the plane. Muppets.

koala stomach and hippo bile

2007-01-16T22:35:00.000+01:00

If it's true that you eat with your eyes, tonight I would have gone hungry. It's called schlachtschüssel and you don't want it. I had actually ordered the filet of lamb, which sounded lovely, but I was told that I was too late and it was the evening menu only. Since I was famished, I just couldn't be bothered choosing so I settled on the first thing that I saw. Perhaps the fact that it translates to "slaughter bowl" should have hinted to me that a random choice might not have been appropriate, after all if you choose randomly from a german menu you have a 20% chance of it being disgusting. However, as I randomly dropped my finger onto the evening menu I dismissed the odds with the thought that a surprise would be interesting. Interesting it was.

As I sliced into it, it purged itself onto my plate. Sometimes when I'm a passenger in a car, I get a little paranoid - it's a control thing mainly, and as I gather fairly common amoungst drivers. When I feel like that, I console myself with the fact that no matter how bad a driver they are, most people spend most of their driving time not crashing, so the odds of it happening while I'm in the car with them is slim. When I looked at my plate I had to console myself with the fact that I hadn't seen anyone keel over and die since I sat down.

The saving grace of this evening's food however was the fact that I didn't pay for it - it'll be expensed. At least I tell myself that it's a saving grace - the fact is that if someone had come up to me and offered for me to not eat it if I paid, I would have taken them up on it.

Why did I? I don't actually know - perhaps some sick pride.

even if you are a frequent flyer..

2007-01-15T07:40:00.000+01:00

When you fly, the latest craze seems to be to start the safety announcement with a suggestion that even though you've heard this a million times before, please listen because we want you to enjoy the sound of our voices as much as we do. Upon landing at my destination this morning however it seems that the lady to my right either wasn't paying attention or really doesn't fly very much. You see I used to make fun of the fact that they told you how to buckle and unbuckle your seatbelt in a plane, but apparently it was too complicated for her and I actually had to offer my professional seatbelt opening services. Since I only live 15 minutes from the airport and even I had to get up at 5am to catch my flight, I'll give her the benefit of doubt - perhaps she had an even more unearthly start than I did.

fish and tits

2007-01-14T22:26:00.000+01:00

I was standing next to a fishing tackle shop on Saturday and mindlessly looking at the wares in the window while waiting for a tram. One of the items on sale was a calendar. It was partially covered up by some of the other items in the window - the display itself was fairly deep. What I could see of it revealed a woman with a fishing rod holding up a fish. This really didn't look very unusual - it was the sort of picture you see of people all the time when they're showing off their catch. A few moments later I caught a glimpse of flesh and had a bit of a double take. I looked back at the calendar and adjusted my view so that I could see around the boxes that were masking it and sure enough, the woman was naked. The nudity itself was very much the sort you would see in a car mechanic's shop, but the utter mediocrity of her looks and the fact that she was showing off a fish (and clearly the rest of the calendar would whistle to the same tune) did amuse me. I'm actually not sure which creature the intended buyers should be lusting after.

these boots

2007-01-12T14:53:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I had planned to walk to work as I have been doing recently, but a tram arrived just as I was crossing the road near my apartment, so I caved and decided to take the lazy man's option.

Since I have been walking recently I decided to time how long it takes me to get to work door to door when I take the tram. It took 20-25 minutes to arrive at work. I had also timed how long it takes me to take the bus recently (which is a much more direct route, albeit with slightly more walking involved). Taking the bus takes almost exactly the same length of time.

I find this numbers a little confusing. The reason is that when I walk to and from work I take a much more roundabout route and it only takes me 30-35 minutes.

Here's some numbers

Shortest route: 1.8 miles
Bus route: 1/2 mile walk, 1.3 miles bus
Tram route: 2.75 miles, 1/4 mile walk
Walking route: 2 miles

Essentially the bus route is about a quarter of a mile shorter than the walk I take, but it still is only 10 minutes quicker. If I were to walk the direct route then if I had to wait any time at all for public transport then it's unlikely to be worth it.

I know I walk quickly, but I still find this quite surprising.

what's the point?

2007-01-05T13:16:00.000+01:00

The new year has started, but the idiocy never stopped.

I installed a really nice little "does everything I want it to do and nothing more" cd burner application the other day, but while trying to find a mirror that wasn't quite as slow, I came across this:

(full screenshot after the jump)

If it's not going to be used, surely that begs the question why the hell do you need it?

happy new year.

christmas present

2006-12-21T14:42:00.000+01:00

Today I went to Manor to buy a christmas gift. I bought the gift and then continued to browse. Upon exiting the escalator the shop alarm went off and it was clear that it was my purchase.

Since I was next to a counter at the time, I signaled to one of the staff to just run it over the demagnetising machine. He called me over to the front of the counter and then proceeded to not only debeepify by goods, but also fill in a claim form that he wanted me to sign.

I agreed willingly because he had mentioned in passing that it is a great inconvenience to be beeped at when you haven't stolen anything and for my troubles he would give me a 10% voucher that would be valid for an entire day (of my choosing). Well done, good on you Manor.

Here's a lesson to other swiss stores - it's called customer service - customers like it

cheating at cards

2006-12-21T14:38:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I learnt a new word at the same time as learning that I word I thought I knew isn't actually a word.

For your enlightenment:

cardshark - not a word
cardsharp - an expert in cheating at cards
card shark - a cardsharp

cruelty to humans

2006-12-21T14:28:00.000+01:00

I hate animal rights activists. I don't quite hate them enough to be cruel to animals, but definitely enough to rip apart stuffed animals in front of their stands. The thing I particularly dislike is their posters and videos of animals being tortured. I'm pretty sure that all in all they do more damage to the humans that see those than was ever done to the animals. I also think that beknownst to them, they actually derive pleasure from the feeling of upset they get when they actively seek out and view animal torture.

They are good for one thing though - when they run up to me with a poster of a cleaved bunny asking me to sign their petition I enjoy shouting at them.

what's that about

2006-12-21T14:24:00.000+01:00

Today someone wished me a merry christmas and gave me a chocolate bunny. I have no idea what it has to do with christmas, perhaps some politically correct crap. The swiss do however like giving out bunnies at easter too - perhaps they have a thing for rabbits.

take your time

2006-12-21T14:22:00.000+01:00

I hate not having time to blog more than I hate not having blogged. You can tell when I remember that because suddenly 4 posts arrive out of nowhere..

email -> blog

2006-12-13T10:29:00.000+01:00

TW Andrews:

Some interesting replies to the question "what would it take to make you move back to England."

re: telegraph article

Joscelin (Mr. straight to the point):

Interesting. I wouldn't go back. Period. The low quality housing, poor wages, high costs, little englander mentality, and the weather (roll on global warming), bland countryside for the most part and minging fat pissed up slags and their knuckle-dragging chav boyfriends.

Your host:

I also wouldn't go back, but not for the same reasons.

I love the friendly quiet british, I love their cynical humour, I love
the subtle but meaningful english mannerisms. I think the british
rolling countryside is beautiful (I imagine that Joss' disdain stems
from the fact that the north has all of the nice lush scenery - the
pennines, the dales, the lakes, etc - the weather is worse though).

I agree about chavs, but I don't think that's a problem of britain -
there are dislikable classes in all places in the world.

My problem with britain is the lack of choice. I want to live in a
small-medium sized city that's clean and not too far away from the
city limits. The only places you can live in england and expect to
get paid a reasonable wage are:
1) Birmingham - you have to be fucking kidding me
2) Manchester - I prefer my blood inside my body
3) London - Too big, too loud, too busy, too dirty, too rushed

I think that england is a great place to be a student because I think
that the english socially at that age are a really great crowd, but if
you don't want to do the London thing then england holds little for
the young professional.

What would it take for me to move back there? Retirement.

counterintuitive

2006-12-11T12:04:00.000+01:00

I find this a little strange. It's a lamp that rewards you for conserving energy. If you're eco friendly, the flower blooms. While it might seem to make sense that the lamp becomes less useful the longer it's turned on, the flip side is that if you need a light on but it's closed (because you've been using it too much), you're more likely to turn a second light on as well..

tremors

2006-12-08T21:03:00.000+01:00

Seems that my Basel brethren are tempting fate a little. While getting ready to settle down to an evening of gaming, my entire apartment building shook and made lots of worrying creaking sounds.

According to telebasel, a 3.7 richter earthquake was apparently triggered in a controlled manner. To me it just seems like they're playing with fire.

..in disguise

2006-12-08T14:50:00.000+01:00

My American xbox 360 arrived this morning. The first thing I did was diligently check the input voltage required and I was then pretty disappointed to see that it didn't auto switch between 110v and 220v.

Now I had realised the voltage issue before deciding on a US xbox, the excitement of finally getting round to buying one seemed to cloud my thought process. Asking Tim, the US resident purchaser, to check the input voltage for me and buying the appropriate transformer from radio shack for me would have been ~~prudent~~ far too sensible.

So not put off by this minor set back, I went off to do what I thought I might have to - hunt for a transformer. Having spent a little time online I figured I needed one capable of 300W so off I trotted at 11.45am into town.

As soon as I left the building it started to rain.

After trying out a few electronics places to no avail I played my wild card and went off to the import games shop. He gave me some good advise including some information about a local electronics shop that would definately have it, but he couldn't recall exactly where it was. I tried the place he first suggested to no avail and the guys at that shop didn't know where this illusive electronics place at the station was.

Next stop, the other import game shop the other side of town. They did know about the legendary electronics shop and gave it a name - Grieder Bauteile.

Spurred on with faith in Grieder Bauteile, I wandered over to the location to be faced with the harsh reminder that this is Switzerland and lunch time therefore non mainstream stores are all shut. I had arrived at 12.40pm so I still had 20 minutes to kill. What the hell I thought, I'll try at Media Markt. 20 minutes later I was back at Grieder Bauteile dripping with more rain water with a wireless remote but no transformer.

Once inside the diminutive shop I patiently waited 10 minutes for the rough hewn uni girl to finish ordering her assortment of 100 diodes and watch batteries. Thankfully the guy there did have one in stock for the bargain price of ~~150CHF~~ I just don't care anymore. I indicated that I would buy it and he then told me that it's in the cellar so he can't get it right now since the shop was busy (there were two other people after me by now), so I had to wait for his colleague.

10 minutes later and well into the second hour of my expedition the guy came over, then went off to the cellar for 10 minutes to find the beast. I purchased it, then got a tram back to work.

I am now the proud owner of a 350W step down transformer and wet feet.

campers suck

2006-12-07T11:11:00.000+01:00

This morning I walked to the tram stop to go to work, but there was no tram in sight, so I thought I'd catch the bus instead. I walked to the bus stop and having arrived there I noticed I had just missed a bus. Although this is Switzerland so the next one was probably only 90 seconds away, I am incredibly impatient so I wandered down to Marktplatz to catch a different tram. I sometimes like going that way because there's a fantastic set of stairs that you can bound down and relive your childhood dreams of flying.

Anyway..

Since it was only 8.40am I thought I'd go to starbucks to get a coffee rather than hop on the first tram. This decision took me past Manor, a rather large department store. So to cut this rather verbose story short, I'll get to the point. In the main entrance of Manor there were 2 wii kiosks and a pile of wiis.

I asked the guy that was guarding them and he told me that it was launch day. I briefly thought of people in the US and UK camping out for days to get their wiis and smiled. Am I lucky to live in switzerland or are they just foolish? Probably both.

left hand drive

2006-12-06T08:56:00.000+01:00

When I first moved to europe from blighty I found driving left hand drive vehicles a little confusing. The first time I drove a left hand drive car for instance, I found myself hitting the door with my left hand every time I wanted to change gear.

After a while a became somewhat ambidextrous regarding the steering wheel, but yet I always found something slightly odd about driving a left hand drive car and I never quite figure out what it was. Until now.

I was parking the car the other day and as I turned the engine off I noticed that my foot was still on the clutch. At that point I realised that I hadn't taken the car out of gear yet. Something about that process seemed inefficient and it was then I figured out why I prefer driving right hand drive cars.

When I get into a car that is right hand drive I do various things simultaneously.

Put the keys in the ignition and start the engine
Put my foot on the clutch and prep the other for the accelerator
Put the car in the gear I want it to be in (normally reverse, or 1st)

When I park a right hand drive car I do the following (2 steps this time)

Simultaneously stop the engine and take the car out of gear
Take my foot off the foot brake and engage the hand brake

If you're driving a left hand drive car you can't start/stop the engine at the same time as changing gear! And that concludes it - right hand drive is better.

time

2006-12-06T08:53:00.000+01:00

No matter what I say to myself, the fact is that there's always time to write a blog. If I try to convince myself that there isn't enough time then it's a lie. Time can always be made for things that don't take very long.

good choice

2006-11-22T21:59:00.000+01:00

I just received my birthday gift through the post from my parents. While I should be disgruntled at the 6 day tardiness, I wasn't because the present was so good.

For my birthday my mum bought me socks. Not just 1 pair of socks however, nor 2, nor 5. The final tally was 21.

This means that I can do what I have been dreaming about for years - throw away all of my old socks and never worry about pairing them again! It is slightly disappointing that it took her this long though - to really save me the effort she should have done it before I got married. Pairing socks comes for free now.

domain simplicity

2006-11-14T21:31:00.000+01:00

Since I'm a big boy now (or at least in my mother's eyes), I decided to register my first ever domain today. To my surprise, the process was completely and utterly painless.

visit switch.ch, enter preferred domain
enter credit card details and address
visit zoneedit.com and enter details for purchased domain
set up web and mail forwarding
enter nameservers for my domain back at switch.ch
wait for the tld zone file trickery to auto-magically happen (FAQ said 8pm, seemed ok to me)

I am now the proud owner of cynic.ch!

Currently my email isn't forwarding correctly, but I have a feeling that it is a problem solved by time alone. If james@ isn't working in the morning I will moan in the usual fashion and complain that it professed to be simple but was actually a pain.

Thanks for your help rahel!

tips on life

2006-11-09T19:30:00.000+01:00

Here's a little tip on life for everyone.

Every day do something for someone that you love just because you love them.

It's a very simple rule to remember and it's wonderful for both parties; it makes you feel good and it makes other people feel cared for. Do it every day regardless of how unhappy you are or how angry you are with the person in question, be it your wife, husband, girlfriend, sister, parent or whoever. In fact, do it especially when you're unhappy or upset, it makes it more profound.

The actual thing that you do can be anything - here's some ideas: Wash up, hoover, walk the dog, dust the picture frames, make the bed, change the sheets, make dinner, buy flowers, make a cup of tea, cuddle your wife / girlfriend, let your husband / boyfriend play video games, watch a rom-com, call your sibling, write a letter. The things you can do are never ending but it's so easy to do nothing. Don't do nothing, do something.

Show people your love - it's life changing.

gtm

2006-11-08T09:57:00.000+01:00

I saw this the other day and couldn't help but chuckle at the mario / gta crossover. I am trying to resist blogging purely game related posts - honest!

digital distro

2006-11-03T08:32:00.000+01:00

Microsoft will begin offering downloadable HD movies later this month. At launch time- rumored to be around Nov. 22-over 1100 hours of video will be available to rent or purchase through an XBOX 360 connected to XBOX Live.

At last - someone gets it! All the consumer has to do now is wait until it's launched to see how badly they've f* it up.

best pacman joke..

2006-11-03T08:22:00.000+01:00

..ever?

In my morning read I came across this little image entitled "the best pacman joke ever". While I wasn't rolling on the floor, it's quite amusing and also quite original so I thought I'd post it. Enjoy.

via kotaku, via boing boing

cloud 3

2006-10-25T20:28:00.000+02:00

I spent the whole of last night (Tuesday) reading an article on the Amazon S3 service. Normally when I read an article I read the title, read 80% of the first paragraph, then scan down to half way down the page and ignore the rest. It's not reading per se, but it's sure as hell a lot faster.

The article in question is on a topic that I'm particularly interested in, and brings up some great points about creating a business model based around the S3 service. Because of that I actually read not just the entire thing, but just about every article it links to.

In case you don't know, the S3 service is a very cheap micropayment based online storage system. Amazon promise high bandwidth, secure, reliable and redundant storage. The cost is $0.15 per Gb stored online, plus $0.20 per Gb transferred per month. That's really pretty reasonable... so far..

The author of the article brings up some interesting points about security and safety that are well worth the read. Having read the article I'm slightly less keen to jump on the bandwagon and create a web business around the service, but at the same time I'm enlightened to the possible things that can effect S3 reliant services.

All in all the service sounds great and I'm looking forward to making the most of it. My first plan will be to install JungleDisk, map that to a drive, then move my personal subversion repository there.

love life

2006-10-23T19:21:00.000+02:00

I just left work and I'm filled with a a strange euphoria.

It's not because I've written any great code today - my work today was pretty shoddy.

It's not cause the weather is nice - it's wet, cold and pretty 'orrible.

It's not because of any upbeat music I'm listening to - Crash Test Dummies are neither depressing nor happy-clappy.

It's not because of my surroundings - this bus is rather ordinary, in fact the driver isn't particularly good - he brakes too hard and too frequently.

It's because I was just hit with an overwhelming feeling of ultimate satisfaction. I'm a man married to a woman that I love, with a job I enjoy, with loving friends and caring family, living in a house that's clean, in a city I feel at home in. Sometimes I have to look at my life and smile. I guess I'm having one of those moments where you see the important things in your life with perfect clarity.

There is a message here for everyone. Regardless how bad things may seem, if you focus on the really important things in your lives you just might realise how lucky you are. Be happy everyone - whatever it is, it's not that bad. Focus on the good stuff, there's plenty of it, honest.

Love life, it doesn't last forever.

linguistic nonsense

2006-10-17T15:12:00.000+02:00

I proudly pointed out to my german colleagues today that biweekly is commonly understood to mean once every two weeks when in fact it means twice a week. "A common german mistake" I said.

I just looked up the meaning of biweekly.

bi·week·ly (b-wkl) Pronunciation Key Audio pronunciation of "biweekly" [P]
adj.

1. Happening every two weeks.
2. Happening twice a week; semiweekly.

I am now boycotting the word.

home

2006-10-13T20:29:00.000+02:00

29 hours of travelling and 48 and a half hours awake (and counting) were a pain in the neck, but all worth it to have been able to take pictures like this from my hotel balcony.

Kaua'i, Hawaii 1st Oct 2006.

getting old

2006-09-17T11:04:00.000+02:00

I had a sobering moment yesterday. I was having a pleasant conversation on the phone with my young niece. I was asked her about the exciting things in her life at the moment - school, tap dancing, sports, visits to nanna and pop-pop...

When I was last at nanna and pop pop's me, Harry and [insert some random kids from the street here] went to the back field and made a den!

I thought that was pretty cool so, having a good knowledge of the back fields myself, I asked whereabouts. She gave me some vague description of the den location. I then told her that I, Uncle James, used to make dens in the back field too, so I thought I'd reveal the location of mine to her. Sadly that conversation started like this:

You know all the houses to the right of nanna's and pop-pop's? Well when they weren't there...

Even as I was describing the now non-existent location of my secret den I was thinking back to the many conversations I had with adults in my youth. They almost always involved some reference to "all those houses used to be fields" or "we used to play there before those houses were there".

barman

2006-09-11T22:08:00.000+02:00

Although both the speed and skill in pouring a pint could be improved here, it's still pretty darn cool.

Before purchasing, I would improve it in only a couple of minor ways:

Why do I need to hit a start button? It needs to read my mind.
What good's a beer unless it's delivered - bring it to me!
I'm willing to bet money that it doesn't go to the off-license for me..

don't you just hate it

2006-09-03T00:53:00.000+02:00

when you think of something you really want, look to see if it exists, find out it does and is better than your expectation, but then find out that it's not out yet and you have to wait for it.

It's just a disappointing climax to an exciting build up.

250g, USB powered, low power, dual layer dvd writing, really small (137x143x16 is even smaller than the diminutive liteon). Due out in October - crucially after my 18 hour flight to Hawaii.

If only it was slot-loading and a little prettier. Also, according to that site, the system requirements are pretty scary.

System Requirements

# PC/AT compatible
# CPU: Pentium 3 - 800 Mhz
# RAM: 256MB
# HDD: 10GB free space
# OS: Windows 2000/XP

subversive simplicity

2006-08-30T09:04:00.000+02:00

Last night I decided to make a start on a flickr project that I've decided to undertake. It's tentatively named "The desktop flickr software that doesn't suck".

Coding without a version control system is like sight. If you've ever had it, you can't be without it. Given that, I decided to install subversion on my server. It wasn't really a task I was looking forward to - I'd never done it before and frankly expected it to be a complete pain.

After a little googling, I found this: svn1clicksetup. I liked the sound of an installer that would install subversion for me so I downloaded it. After the file arrived, I double clicked on it and was faced with a very normal looking windows installer. A couple of clicks later I had entered some very basic info, a couple of clicks after that the svn command line tools were installed and a couple of clicks after that, tortoise svn was installed. TortoiseSVN incidentally was the only thing that said it needed a reboot, but that's because it was written by idiots that insist on perpetuating the rumour of windows needing continual reboots. So after not rebooting, I went to my shell and typed "svn ls http://localhost/"

That was it! A single installer and about 2 minutes of time. It took me as long to find out the svn port to open on my windows firewall so I could access it across the network (I should probably let them know that they can do that from the installer).

I was highly impressed. A complex thing has never been so simple.

superman minireview

2006-08-25T23:53:00.000+02:00

Enjoyably corny.

falsche adresse

2006-08-24T18:09:00.000+02:00

I just got home and looked in my mailbox. In it, I found a letter from the post office. The letter itself isn't really interesting, but the address on it was. The post office had managed to send me a mail shot to my old address, but then correct it manually to my new address. Idiots.

we're in a tight spot

2006-08-21T10:31:00.000+02:00

Yesterday a new game arrived that I ordered a while back. I wouldn't usually blog about a game I'm playing, but the sheer style of this one warrants something.

Now when I stay stylish, don't confuse that with sensical (sic); it's odd, weird and strange too. It's also, however, confusing and intriguing. All in all, it's a game that inspires quite a lot of emotion.

So, in one sentence - the game: Killer 7 is an unconventional, quasi-violent, comic book styled on-rails shooter with puzzles.

Most people that would see a screenshot of the game would question my use of the word quasi. It's actually really quite violent, except, at least in my opinion, in such an unusual manner that I feel it tones the game down. Example 1: When you kill someone they spray blood all over the floors and walls. Sounds violent right? How about if I tell you that the blood resembles silly string and is more yellow than red? It's clearly blood, but at the same time it's wholly unrealistic. Example 2: Yesterday I found a clothes drier that was spinning. I turned it off and found a decapitated head inside. Violent right? Well then it told me off for disturbing it and have me a ring to go away...

Anyway, let me give you a flavour of the game.

One of the many unusual things in the game is the TV Room. In this room there is a TV and a woman called Samantha. Using the TV you can switch between 7 personalities and also upgrade them. If you talk to Samantha she lets you save your progress... but only if she's wearing a maid's outfit...
The enemies in the game are zombie like creatures that charge at you and then blow up... but they're invisible.
When you die you have to carry on the game as another of the 7 personalities... unless you resurrect it by collecting its head in a paper bag and returning it to a TV...

If you were wondering about the title of this post it's down to a character called Wenzel Diel Boris Iwazarskof VII (I googled it). Throughout the early levels of the game (the first of which being the only one I'm qualified to talk about at the moment) you occasionally find him hanging from the ceiling from what looks like S&M style bindings. He starts all his conversations with "we're in a tight spot" and signs off with "in the name of harman".

It's totally unorthodox, and just lovely.

in the name of harman...

microsoft ipod

2006-08-17T16:41:00.000+02:00

What if Microsoft designed the ipod?

The scary thing here is that I believe the spoof. The box actually looks like a product that I would expect to see on the shelves. It's so easy to over design in all areas - the one that irritates me the most is in code, but I think that's expected since it's all I do all day.

fish out of water

2006-08-16T16:00:00.000+02:00

Pasting code snippets into a blog is a complete pain. Essentially, code outside of an IDE is like a fish out of water - it looks terrible if it loses syntax highlighting or indentation and disastrous if it looses both. Also - in order to fit it on a thin blog page the code has to be renamed and reformatted to fit into the available space - that ensures additional loss of clarity.

Here's what I mean:

Code snippet pasted directly into blog editor
/**
* This {@link Runnable} will update the models from the data store outside the dispatch thread.
* To avoid race conditions, the swing models are updated within the dispatch thread while the
* querying of the models from the {@link WorkflowStore} happens outside the EDT.
*/
private final class WorkflowRefresher extends RunnableSwingWorker[]> {
@Override
public ActivityModel[] construct() {
SwingUtilities.invokeLater(new Runnable() {
public void run() {
client.startBusyFeedback("Refreshing workflows");
}
});
return getModels();
}
@Override
public void finished() {
refreshPrivate(get());
client.stopBusyFeedback(null);
}
}

Code snippet inside <pre> tags


/**
 * This {@link Runnable} will update the models from the data store outside the dispatch thread.
 * To avoid race conditions, the swing models are updated within the dispatch thread while the
 * querying of the models from the {@link WorkflowStore} happens outside the EDT.
 */
private final class WorkflowRefresher extends RunnableSwingWorker[]> {
 @Override
 public ActivityModel[] construct() {
  SwingUtilities.invokeLater(new Runnable() {
   public void run() {
    client.startBusyFeedback("Refreshing workflows");
   }
  });
  return getModels();
 }
 @Override
 public void finished() {
  refreshPrivate(get());
  client.stopBusyFeedback(null);
 }
}

Code snippet inside <code> tags


/**
 * This {@link Runnable} will update the models from the data store outside the dispatch thread.
 * To avoid race conditions, the swing models are updated within the dispatch thread while the
 * querying of the models from the {@link WorkflowStore} happens outside the EDT.
 */
private final class WorkflowRefresher extends RunnableSwingWorker[]> {
 @Override
 public ActivityModel[] construct() {
  SwingUtilities.invokeLater(new Runnable() {
   public void run() {
    client.startBusyFeedback("Refreshing workflows");
   }
  });
  return getModels();
 }
 @Override
 public void finished() {
  refreshPrivate(get());
  client.stopBusyFeedback(null);
 }
}

Code as it was intended to look

Man - sometimes I feel like such an html newbie.

EDIT!!

I didn't need to look hard to find a nice tool for converting java code to html with nice formatting - complete with convenient applet

Sadly it still doesn't solve my code -> blog problem, but it's nice nonetheless.

elegance

2006-08-16T15:04:00.000+02:00

Today I wrote a TreeModel that proxies for another TreeModel, but via a filter. The code itself is quite simple - it works by creating a map from visible indices to underlying indices for each child node. Before you complain about it not working for infinite trees - it works as intended. If I need it to work outside the current constraints, I'll change it.

Anyway, it's been a while since I'd written a nice recursive method and the elegance of them always surprises me.

Here's a snippet of the tree filtering code:

(assume Map<TreeNode, IntList> maps has been declared in global scope)

clarity in darkness

2006-08-09T08:57:00.000+02:00

Sometimes I code while asleep. Well, solve problems while I'm sleeping anyway. Although I don't think that's such an unusual thing to do for a professional developer, I'm pretty sure it's unusual to do it with such clarity.

I solved the problem, created a nice level of abstraction with simple and easy mechanisms providing the communication between the areas, designed the system around it and came up with a design plan for the unit tests. Maybe I should have stayed in bed this morning.

old guys

2006-08-08T09:00:00.000+02:00

I feel that I should explain my comment about setting fire to shit, if only because it's funny. A few weeks ago I went for lunch at Claraplatz and adjacent to the Kiosk there, where the "old men" hang out with their special brew and meths, there was an upturned buckled bicycle with various pieces of litter crammed into each and every available orifice. It was actually surprisingly arty considering none of its artists were of sound mind, but the very little stops art.

So the story continues. Not to be outdone by their inebriated peers, the next time I went to Claraplatz a couple of days later, the bent and rusty bike had been removed (or perhaps reclaimed by its owner..) and in its place was a pile of clothes. They didn't look particularly tatty or old, but also not the high quality H&M gear that seems to be all the rage with the youth. Anyway, the thing that stuck me about this particular pile of clothes was that it was on fire. The game, by the looks of it, was to set the clothes alight, sway back to your flea infested pals, giggle a little then return to the clothes and put them out with your preferred hooch.

At some point, of course, the police arrive to dampen the fun. Sadly this scene was far less boring that it could have been. No senseless police violence, no drawing of guns, no shouting and even no complaining by the offending party as he / she / it was arrested. Life should be more like Cops. Oh wait - that is real life isn't it - Heaven help me when I move there.

resident

2006-08-07T09:28:00.000+02:00

I've now officially lived in Switzerland long enough to have an opinion. I'm now going to quit my job and spend my afternoons with the old guys at Claraplatz setting fire to shit.

gamer's quiz

2006-08-05T16:09:00.000+02:00

I came across this quiz today and thought it was great. I failed on only 4 of the 50 questions (see comments for which ones) giving me a score of 92%. What did you get? Be honest!

street urine

2006-08-04T15:22:00.000+02:00

This afternoon a guy on the street gave me a sealed glass of urine. I tried some of it a couple of moments ago. It tasted as good as it sounds. It made me swear.

my new local

2006-07-28T22:02:00.000+02:00

Oh you sexy swiss design students, you've done it again. This is gorgeous and I want one.

pride

2006-07-27T15:23:00.000+02:00

My bag arrived yesterday and I picked it up from the post office this morning.

I was a little apprehensive about it before I opened it - what if it had turned out badly because of my silly design decisions? I was really impressed. 100% unadulterated WYSIWYG shopping. I'm actually quite proud of my achievement.

Before:

After:

pride?

2006-07-23T01:50:00.000+02:00

I was flicking through the channels a minute ago and stopped on Eurosport where they're showing an "explosive, dynamic and creative" fighting competition called pride.

It's way too brutal for me really, but one thing I did notice is a rather unlikely sponsor. At the end of the round, while I was recovering from my 2 minute grimace, I noticed that the skimpy ring ladies were sporting capcom tops. Well, perhaps bras is more accurate, but regardless - a video game developer / publisher sponsoring a violent fighting championship. Stranger things have happened I suppose.

ironic

2006-07-21T11:40:00.000+02:00

I listened to Alanis Morissette the other day and moaned about the ironic lack of irony in ironic. With the gripe came a finding which I shall pass on.

"I love that bit of musical parody. I'd love to see them do like a musical parody of ironic by Alanis Morrisette, they could do a really wacky version with some irony in it.That would be an odd notion wouldn't it?

Cause that song really gets to me for that very reason cause she wrote a song about irony and filled them with things that were supposed to be ironic and none of them were. they were all just unfortunate. I always think that song should of been called 'Unfortunate'. The only ironic thing about that song is that it's called ironic and it's written by someone who doesn't know what irony is. Fairly ironic when you think about it.

I'm going to coin a new word which is 'alanic', that's things that aren't ironic but you might think they were if you were a dozy canadian bint

I'm not being harsh, if you actually listen to the lyrics to the song. "Like a traffic jam when your already late"- that's not ironic it's just a pain in the hole that's what that is. When was the last time you were late for something, got stuck in a traffic jam and said "Look on the irony on this , there's irony for ya. I'll tell ya I was in a fierce ironic traffic jam the other day iIll tell ya. The irony was ninety."

No, there's nothing ironic about being stuck in a traffic jam when your late for something. Unless your a town planner. If you were a town planner and you were on your way to a seminar of town planners at which you were giving a talk on how you solved the problem of traffic congestion in your area, couldn't get to it because you were stuck in a traffic jam, that'd be well ironic, I'm sorry I'm late you'll never guess.

"It's like rain on your wedding day", only if marrying a weatherman and he set the date. I could go on and I will.

A no-smoking sign on your ciggerette break, that's inconsiderate office management. A no-smoking sign in a cigerette factory- irony. It's not a difficult concept Alanis. It's very rare you see a ironic no-smoking sign although if you ever see one of those that say thank-you for not smoking and you are. Fairly ironic

The best line in that song has got to be the line "It's like 10 000 spoons when all you need is a knife." That's not ironic that's just bloody stupid. How big is your sink alanis? We haven't got 10 000 spoons beween us have we? What do you need this knife for? To stab the bloke who keeps leaving spoons all over your house. But we'll give her the benefit of the doubt. Imagine you needed a knife for something, couldn't find one cause all you find was 10 000 spoons, could happen. And therefore you couldn't do whatever it was you needed the knife for then the next day it turned out that a spoon would have done.

From here (highlight page to see text)

axe vs chainsaw

2006-07-15T00:00:00.000+02:00

The other week I was having a debate about who would win in a fight between a fireman's axe wielding maniac and a lumberjack's chainsaw wielding lunatic.

I still think the axeman would do surprisingly well, but the other party was firm in the (pretty believable) belief that the chainsaw would only take one hit to rip apart a limb.

While this V8 monster is perhaps a little cumbersome to win, it would certainly tear you apart pretty quickly if it hit...

that's killer dawg

2006-07-10T09:42:00.000+02:00

It's a golden oldie, but too many people haven't seen this rather amazing clip of dog vs criminal. Pretty mean stuff.

racist schmacist

2006-07-08T18:09:00.000+02:00

Sony recently created some controversial billboard ads in Holland. As anyone would expect, it didn't take long before people were screaming racist.

To quote kotaku:

[I] find it absurd that Americans seem to have lost any point of reference in what racism actually is. I simply can not believe that to some people a photograph of two absolutely beautiful women posing as avatars for different PSP models is now equivalent to flaming upside down crosses.

Aside from the fact that I believe it's unfair to just point to the Yanks, I fully agree.

To put it simply - me too.

homemade

2006-07-08T17:54:00.000+02:00

I just designed my own over-priced bag.

I had actually previsouly decided that I didn't have the required artistic tatent to design my own, but I gave it a go anyway. Regardless of my lack of hippy flair, I think it turned out fairly well.

The thing about the preview that I do like is the idea that I can come back to this url in a few years time and see the tarp that my bag was made of. Well I think it's cool at least.

no dance without fire

2006-06-02T09:02:00.000+02:00

This is far better than those outdoor heaters you get in pubs. They should install them everywhere and have the music to boot.

via gizmodo

primates

2006-05-18T16:50:00.000+02:00

I've just discovered why I'm continually forced to look through crayon smudged scrawls masquerading as java code.

toilet humour

2006-05-14T13:55:00.000+02:00

When Nintendo announced that the name of their next-gen games console would be called the "Wii", most people were slightly disturbed at the potential for bad amber-acid related humour. I however have only seen 1 joke that's actually funny, and it aint exactly a corker. So, here goes.

"Do you have any Wii in stock?" asked the customer. "Or course we do," exclaimed the clerk, "Urine GameStop!"

scented

2006-05-13T11:27:00.000+02:00

There is a some good news for those of us that smell like the rotting innards of a diseased camel. Apparently, (so I heard), to the average Indian westerners reek of detergent and soap. While some of us like to think of this as being clean, to them it's rather a turn-off.

If you find people holding their breathe as they walk past you, or perhaps simply keel over as they get close, perhaps you should move to India.

bygone times

2006-05-11T23:03:00.000+02:00

Gone are the days where I while away my evenings chatting to mostly like minded people on irc. This evening however I was reminded of my past antisocial joys. I spent the evening chatting to readers of one of my preferred blogs, kotaku.

I spent a rather pleasant 3 hours chatting about the various next gen consoles and the relative innovation that the companies are bringing to the field. While I hadn't intended to slate Sony, I'm less than impressed with their offerings and sadly that lead to me talking about them in a rather dim light.

Anyway - my point was that my evening socialising online was fulfilling. While there isn't room in my life for my past commitment to online banter, I feel that perhaps I should make room for at least a little chit-chat.

Pleasant evening and pleasant parting, thanks to the guys I was chatting to, thanks Joel, Brian and the rest of the kotaku guys.

digital forensics

2006-04-24T08:34:00.000+02:00

According to Binghamton University, "Child pornographers will soon have a harder time escaping prosecution". They're filing for a patent that details using patterns in pixel noise in a digital image to identify the camera that was used to take the image. The idea is sound - each camera is different and analyzing a sample of its photographs reveals patterns in the noise.

Frankly, is justice so skewed that we actually need overwhelming evidence to make a conviction? Times were simpler when you could shoot on sight. If it all went wrong, you could still apologise to whoever cared.

farming

2006-04-21T18:48:00.000+02:00

I like this. Personally I buy a game to play it myself, but I do "sort of" understand people wanting to do this.

Actually - scratch that, it's a silly thing to do. I do however definitely like the fact that it's advertised.

Nothing like taking from the rich and ~~giving~~ delegating to the poor.

feature bloat

2006-04-13T08:56:00.000+02:00

This isn't the usual kind of feature bloat - bloating is the actual feature.

This is the sort of thing that geeks come up with and giggle about over a plastic cup of sweet warm milk. The artists then come up with the ideas years later and the geeks find them really cool. Truth is, they are really cool. Geeks like us just don't have the vision to see a ridiculous idea as anything but. Hats off to the artists I say.

There's some more funky USB pics here

wick'd

2006-04-11T08:23:00.000+02:00

This reminds me of my school days.

When I was a kid, I thought it'd be a great idea in Tech Drawing class to invent a cigarette box that contained a small section for a few matches and a sandpaper strip in the top. I hadn't realised at the time that there was stigma associated with using the poor man's matches to light a cigarette - the preferred method was to use a lighter.

Tell me - at what point was someone going to tell me that 12 years olds shouldn't be obsessing over cigarettes? Hell I don't care - I'm sure Philip Morris' parents are proud of him.

don't ask

2006-03-31T08:14:00.000+02:00

If you don't recognise this then you probably don't want to know. Googling for it is truly a bad idea - nsfw don't come close. If you're still curious then look it up on Wikipedia.

As far as the iPod skin goes - nothing beats tasteless internet humour!

lost in translation

2006-03-27T08:53:00.000+02:00

I'l long known that english is a cool language in the eyes of the swiss - particularly in advertising. When I read this advert in the tram this morning however, I couldn't help but think that they might not have put enough thought into their translation.

I'm not sure whether it's trying to disciminate against jews or whether it's a prepuce dumping ground.

this is the day

2006-03-25T22:57:00.000+01:00

On friday I wished it was thursday and on saturday I thought it was sunday.

This isn't a new thing for me. Maybe I should get used to it.

the windy city

2006-03-24T18:40:00.000+01:00

chicago chicago chicago

As promised - an update.

Work is busy at the moment mainly because it's been injected with new life. Chicago is the code name for a new application I'm working on. Unbeknownst to most, the application is named after the success of Windows 95 - chicago being its code-name.

I'm not claiming that Windows 95 was a decent OS - it was as usable as a joystick made from a leprotic gopher. The OS however was an immense success. It paved the way to latter versions, which regardless of your computational religion or disdain for M$, are frankly nigh on the best available.

Chicago will be the same. It will create a path for others to follow. We will be the despised. We will be the rich. We will be the famous. I will be the hated. I will be der Führer.

bum luck

2006-03-06T14:45:00.000+01:00

What's worse than your car being snowed-in?

Paying for it.

plasma pong

2006-03-04T18:07:00.000+01:00

It's defiantly pong, but not as you know it. It's hard to describe so I'll just call it swirly vortexy goodness. Try it and see.

edit: I meant to type definitely pong, but my fingers disagreed. I was going to fix it, but I'm not going to. If you play the game you'll see that defiance describes the ball motion quite well.

not-arf dinky

2006-03-04T17:56:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I think I need a laptop but I can never decide which one I think I need. Sometimes I think powerful, other times small. This one puts the ball well inside the small court.

Intel P-M ULV 773 1.3Ghz
1 GBDDR 553
HDD 60GB
12.1 Inch WXGA 1280*800
Geforce Go 7300 64Mb
Weight 1.1kg

geek humour

2006-02-24T11:11:00.000+01:00

This owl can wreak havoc in the IR universe. Bubo will sniff out the IR transmissions from a variety of devices, intercept the signals and begin learning the commands of the IR device and casting random commands.

If I think it's cool, does that make me too much of a geek?